Topic: A Christmas Present -- From Me to KP

[Ben L]

To my friends at KP -- I wrote this bad little poem in my capacity as Capital Area Cobra Club scribe last year.  I found it readily adaptable for our cars.

Many thanks to all of you for a wonderful year, and my warmest wishes for a very Merry Christmas

With apologies to Dr. Suess, I give you:

THE GRINCH'S GIFT

In the warm sunshine we like driving roadsters a lot
But when the rain fell and the winds blew, the Grinch he did NOT!
He hated the Spring, and the Fall and the whole winter season
When on his cold head clouds dumped for no reason

Don’t ask why he was out there, Lord knows it ain’t right
Driving a topless roadster around on Christmas Eve night
Peering out a frosty windscreen with a mean grinchy snarl
At lighted windows of snug people in warm covered cars

Oh how he hated them so, all warm and so cozy
While his hands clawed the wheel all stiff and all frozey
The cold road wash cut right through, down to his core
Ice water soaked his green curly toes, then sloshed round the floor

Wide R compound tires yawing all over the lane
He crested a hill and began to hydroplane
He brought her to a stop on the shoulder with a shudder
Fuel gauge reading “empty” as the LNF cut out with a sputter  

On a turnout perched high overlooking the town
“Oh great, now I’m stranded,” the Grinch grumped with a frown
But he knew the Whos were busy hanging mistletoe and wreaths
With no reason to help the rotten old thief

For tho his heart had once grown large as St.  Nicks
As the years wore on he went back to his old tricks
Drinking far too much eggnog, he lived alone in his cave
Back to hating the Whos and the noises they made

Hating their joy and their Christmas bells ringing,
And most of all their ridiculous SINGING
“Fah who fores,  dah who dores,”  he muttered and spat
What kind of stupid gibberish is that?

Thinking back on that Christmas he felt like a sap
He couldn’t believe he  bought into that crap
As he sat there on the fender,  grousing and freezing
A battered pickup pulled over, its old motor wheezing

From the cab a woman’s voice called, “Do you need a lift?”
“Well what the hell does it look like?” the old ingrate sniffed
As she alighted the cab in the headlight’s dim light
He saw that her jeans were low slung and skin tight

Straps of a thong peeked over her tiny waist
Under her jacket a camisole, half unlaced,
Could not restrain ample whooters that shifted and bounced
As out of the rusty old heap she did flounce

She beckoned him hither, yes, he noted all this
A  glimmer of recognition dawned and he hissed
“Cindy?  Cindy Lou Who?”  he said with surprise
Barely believing his tired old eyes

The cute little moppet had grown up it was clear
But perhaps no longer quite the sweet little dear
“Yeah, so what?” she shot back with a scowl world weary
Half smoked cig on her lip and eyes all red and all bleary

“Nothing, nothing at all” he said, as he jumped into the heap
And she slid behind the wheel with nary a peep
She turned the truck toward his cave, away from the town
“Don’t you need to go home” the Grinch wondered aloud
“After all its Christmas, a big deal for your whole Whoville crowd”

Her antennae drooped slightly -- “I hate to admit”
“I’m not exactly welcome since the whole North Pole dancing bit.”
“Besides I find the whole thing lame and I’m really quite bored”
“Got anything to drink at your place?” she demurely implored

“Why yes, yes I do, dear,”
And a warm glow began spreading
Something again grew three sizes, not his heart,
If you know where I’m heading

It would be indiscreet to recount all that happened that night
To two lonely misfits in the mountain cave’s dim light
But as they lay tousled together, nibbling on leftover roast beast
His bitterness faded and his who-manity increased

Because the gift of her wild love once again gave a reason
For even the Grinch to share the spirit of the season
You may not get as lucky as the Grinch, but still do I say
To you, as the Whos do, “Welcome Christmas, Christmas Day.”

[LatinVenom]

Thank you, that was very enjoyable.

[Critterman]

You missed your calling Ben, bet your briefs aren't that entertaining.....

[Gentleman Jack]

I call movie rights!

I'm thinking.... Lindsay Lohan for Cindy Lou Who and Tiger Woods as the Grinch? 

Got to go, writing the screen play.

[Treeman]

I love it!!!  

[1LILNDN]

This could be the start of something Zanny and Wild (Kappa Film Rights Limited )

    Golf Club Who

[TomatoSoup]

You missed your calling Ben, bet your briefs aren't that entertaining.....

I don't think you should be commenting about his briefs.  That's a little disturbing.

[Critterman]

I was waiting for someone to comment on that.  Mr. Ben works with briefs all the time, he is a professional and one should not try it at home

[Ben L]

I was waiting for someone to comment on that.  Mr. Ben works with briefs all the time, he is a professional and one should not try it at home

Well, since you brought it up, this quote from John Winger in the movie Stripes is right on target:

"Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, its usually something unusual. . . Do you have something in black, low rise mesh?"

[Sol Asylum]

Well, since you brought it up, this quote from John Winger in the movie Stripes is right on target:

"Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, its usually something unusual. . . Do you have something in black, low rise mesh?"

I think this present is starting to become something we might have to look into returning.

[Ben L]

Sorry.  There is a strict "no return" policy on used poetry.  And if you can't dig lines from Stripes.  Well.  There may be no hope. 

[Sol Asylum]

Strips is fine, been a while since I watched it thought.  There are plenty of other ways that this thread could go wrong and I'm kinda surprised I haven't helped take it there yet.

[U4EA]

Sorry.  There is a strict "no return" policy on used poetry. 

Or used briefs! 

[chuckdoc]

I bought Criterman and Joe matching thongs for Christmas.  Don't tell.  Ben goes Commando so it would be a waste.  Ben, watch out for zipper snag.  Seen quite a few cases in the ER.  Just a quick yank and Wow baby!

[Critterman]

Do we have to model them?

[chuckdoc]

Hey Crit, You darn well know what I am thinking.

[2kwk4u]

 

[Critterman]

Hey Crit, You darn well know what I am thinking.

Exactly why I said it